Office Jokes
BEST OFFICE JOKES
Office Jokesor funny office jokes or Office Humor or Business Humor is a kind of joke which is concerned to working environment in an office or working place. It could be a comment on collegue, boss or any nature of work. Office Jokes presents office environment in a funny and humorous manner. Office humor may also be a comment to certain type of any profession like Doctors, Engineers, Lawyers, Management, Clerical Staff of even lower staff. We have a good collection of hilarious office jokes. So don't miss these jokes and have fun. If you have some office jokes please send your joke to usChhuti
Mom: Son, get up its time to go to college.
Son: No Maa.. I don't want to go to college.
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Mom: Give me 2 reasons why don't u want to go to college
Son: 1. All students hate me
2. All staff hates me..
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Mom: Ooh! That's not a reason
C'mon, you must go to college
Son: Give me 2 reasons why I should go to college
.
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Mom:" 1. U are not a kid, you are 47 years old
2. U are the Principal of the college
.
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Moral: Sirf bachchon ka hi man nahin karta chhutti karne ka.
Son: No Maa.. I don't want to go to college.
.
.
Mom: Give me 2 reasons why don't u want to go to college
Son: 1. All students hate me
2. All staff hates me..
.
.
Mom: Ooh! That's not a reason
C'mon, you must go to college
Son: Give me 2 reasons why I should go to college
.
.
Mom:" 1. U are not a kid, you are 47 years old
2. U are the Principal of the college
.
.
Moral: Sirf bachchon ka hi man nahin karta chhutti karne ka.
Most Powerful Word
The Most Powerful
Word Other
"I Love You"
Is
"Salary Is Credited"
Word Other
"I Love You"
Is
"Salary Is Credited"
Properly Fitting People
Does your organization struggle with the problem of properly fitting people to jobs?
Here is a handy hint for ensuring success in job placement.
Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs.
Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.
If they have taken the table apart in that time, put them in Engineering.
If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Accounting.
If they are screaming and waving their arms, send them off to Manufacturing.
If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.
If they are sleeping, they are Management material.
If they are writing up the experience, send them to Tech Pubs.
If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.
If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to Marketing.
And if they've left early, put them in Sales.
Here is a handy hint for ensuring success in job placement.
Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs.
Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.
If they have taken the table apart in that time, put them in Engineering.
If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Accounting.
If they are screaming and waving their arms, send them off to Manufacturing.
If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.
If they are sleeping, they are Management material.
If they are writing up the experience, send them to Tech Pubs.
If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.
If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to Marketing.
And if they've left early, put them in Sales.
Last Question
A mathematician, statistician and accountant were finalist for a position as VP in a large corporation. The hiring committee asked them all the same last question:
The mathematician was first. "How much is 500 plus 500 ?", they asked
"1000" he replied without hesitation.
"Thank you", they dismissed him.
Next the statistician. "How much is 500 plus 500?"
On the average, 1000 with 95 % confidence replied the statistician
"Thank you", they dismissed him.
Next the accountant."How much is 500 plus 500?"
What would you like it to be? responded the accountant.
They hired the accountant.
The mathematician was first. "How much is 500 plus 500 ?", they asked
"1000" he replied without hesitation.
"Thank you", they dismissed him.
Next the statistician. "How much is 500 plus 500?"
On the average, 1000 with 95 % confidence replied the statistician
"Thank you", they dismissed him.
Next the accountant."How much is 500 plus 500?"
What would you like it to be? responded the accountant.
They hired the accountant.
Dont Mess With Engineers
Engineers at their best
7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai, So they both gather at Pune Station. Both groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority.
SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :
---------------------------------------
7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets.. Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come...... When TC arrives, All 7 Engineers get in one toilet So when TC knocks, one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes away....
NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE
SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) :
----------------------------------------
Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equal"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket Engineers don't buy any ticket at all...
TC arrives.... ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET. ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE.. One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in engg. Bathroom... TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined.
SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) :
-----------------------------------------
SO now both the group are on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the local to Pune. This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick. ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time...
SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets..... Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train........... Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are geniuses, don't mess with Engineers.
7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai, So they both gather at Pune Station. Both groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority.
SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :
---------------------------------------
7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets.. Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come...... When TC arrives, All 7 Engineers get in one toilet So when TC knocks, one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes away....
NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE
SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) :
----------------------------------------
Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equal"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket Engineers don't buy any ticket at all...
TC arrives.... ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET. ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE.. One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in engg. Bathroom... TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined.
SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) :
-----------------------------------------
SO now both the group are on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the local to Pune. This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick. ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time...
SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets..... Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train........... Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are geniuses, don't mess with Engineers.
Boss is Always Right
Boss : There are 50 bricks on an aeroplane. If you drop 1 outside. How many are left?
Employee : That's easy, 49.
Boss : What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge
Boss : What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.
Boss : It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?
Employee : Because the deer is in the fridge.
Boss : How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?
Employee : She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday
Boss : Last question. In the end the old lady still died. Why?
Employee : Er....I guess she drowned....err...
Boss : No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the aeroplane. Thats the problem, you are not focused on your job....You may leave now!
Moral: 'No matter how much you know or how much you are prepared . If your Boss has decided to screw you then you are surely screwed.'
Employee : That's easy, 49.
Boss : What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge
Boss : What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.
Boss : It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?
Employee : Because the deer is in the fridge.
Boss : How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?
Employee : She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday
Boss : Last question. In the end the old lady still died. Why?
Employee : Er....I guess she drowned....err...
Boss : No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the aeroplane. Thats the problem, you are not focused on your job....You may leave now!
Moral: 'No matter how much you know or how much you are prepared . If your Boss has decided to screw you then you are surely screwed.'
Medical Alert about a Highly Dangerous Virus
Medical Alert about a Highly Dangerous Virus Called "Weekly Overload Recreational Killer" (WORK).
If u come in contact with this WORK VIRUS u should immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR).... Center to take antidotes known as
-"Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract" (WINE)
-Radioactive UnWORK Medicine (RUM)
-Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER)
Issued in Public Interest
If u come in contact with this WORK VIRUS u should immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR).... Center to take antidotes known as
-"Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract" (WINE)
-Radioactive UnWORK Medicine (RUM)
-Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER)
Issued in Public Interest
Pahele Alibaba aur 40 chor
Pahele Alibaba aur 40 chor tha
Ab
Alibaba aur 20 chor ban gaya
Batao Kyon ?
Recession Boss
20 choro ko nikal diya
Cost Cutting
Ab
Alibaba aur 20 chor ban gaya
Batao Kyon ?
Recession Boss
20 choro ko nikal diya
Cost Cutting
An Accident
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
"I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."
"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."
"Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."
"I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."
"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."
"Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."
There is No Escape
Once Sonia Gandhi, L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were travelling in an auto rickshaw, they met with an accident and all three of them died.
Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.
He asks Mrs GANDHI and Advani to go to HEAVEN.
But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL. Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.
He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc.
Then why the differential treatment?
He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived notions.
Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test.
Mrs GANDHI is asked to spell "INDIA" and she does it correctly.
Advani is asked to spell "ENGLAND" and he too passes.
It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell "CZECHOSLOVAKIA".
Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.
He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent.
Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal platform for all three).
Mrs GANDHI is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". She writes it easily and passes.
Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.
Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR.... ."
Tough one. He fails again.
Laloo is extre mely unhappy.
Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't), he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history.
Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take any more tests.
Mrs GANDHI is asked: "When did India get Independence ?". She replied "1947" and passed.
Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?"
He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
It's Laloo's turn now.
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died in the struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.
Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE....
Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.
He asks Mrs GANDHI and Advani to go to HEAVEN.
But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL. Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.
He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc.
Then why the differential treatment?
He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived notions.
Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test.
Mrs GANDHI is asked to spell "INDIA" and she does it correctly.
Advani is asked to spell "ENGLAND" and he too passes.
It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell "CZECHOSLOVAKIA".
Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.
He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent.
Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal platform for all three).
Mrs GANDHI is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". She writes it easily and passes.
Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.
Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR.... ."
Tough one. He fails again.
Laloo is extre mely unhappy.
Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't), he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history.
Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take any more tests.
Mrs GANDHI is asked: "When did India get Independence ?". She replied "1947" and passed.
Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?"
He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
It's Laloo's turn now.
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died in the struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.
Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE....
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